at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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