If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
