I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
