note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
