Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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