I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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