Ambien. No doubt about it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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