Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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