just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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