the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
