420 ftw
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
