Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
