Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
