ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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