Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
