Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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