If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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