I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
