Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
