He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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