You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
