You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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