bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Randomize
