I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I love having hate sex.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
