saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
