i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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