yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ladies don't puke and tell
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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