he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
