no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Little spoons don't ask big questions
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
