your parents love me but you hate me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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