He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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