i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
