And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
