I accidentally had phone sex last night
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
