I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
