People in love make me want to vomit
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
