I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
