I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
