He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
