wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
