I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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