wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He kissed a someone with a penis
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
