by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
