god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
