ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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