You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
