my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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