Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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