She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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