I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
