She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
