he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
