omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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